Sunday, January 13, 2013

Tokage no Ou Prologue 1



Prologue 1: Lizard’s and Duck’s Gestalt



When I opened the door to the front of the classroom, I saw a naked girl. Our eyes met and I felt a strange feeling inside of me. As if fireworks were going off in front of me, my mind was blank for an instant. Shrieks of “yelp” and “woah, woah, woah,” were flooding out of my mouth. I closed the door immediately and started running down the the hall. The sense of shame was heightened to the point of fear. My heart was beating like it was being directly grasped. With each beat, it felt like my eyeballs were pulsing. Unwanted sweat that was meant for the heat of summer poured out from my skin.


Hearing my screams, the teacher next door came rushing out. Despite being in the middle of class, she approached me, on my knees, with suspicion. This wasn’t even the time for that. The image of the classroom was stuck in my mind. I didn’t know what was what. The fourth grade classroom I was so used to seeing. The carelessly erased blackboard with math left on it. The windows, so wide you could see the clouds completely unfurled through them. Butt. Back. Skin color. My eyes were flowing with pain.



The teacher was saying something to me, but I couldn’t hear most of it. He helped me up. Doing this and that, the teacher from next door, the balding Matsuda, grinned when he questioned me. He was interrupted by a girl coming out of the classroom dressed in a school swim suit. Without even a towel to hide her body, she was imposing. Even the teacher was bewildered. The girl, on the other hand, looked at both of us and tilted her head. “What?”, she said with a confused expression. The white hat on her head had “4-3 Sugamo-Ryou” in red letters. In that moment, I finally remembered that her name was Sugamo. She looked at me with a gentle expression. “We’ll be late, let’s go.” 


She pulled my hand, and tried to leave. Unable to argue that class already started, she took me against my will. The teacher next door was probably admiring Sugamo in her swimsuit. The rumor of him being into lolicon may be true.


She kept dragging me until the stairs to the second floor, where I was able to shake her hand off. Sugamo let go without much opposition, and instead fixed the position of the string on her swimsuit. At that moment, her shoulder was exposed and there was a fire that lit underneath my eyes. The reason for my skin was burning hotter than the sun was still unknown to me.




Sugamo was staring into my eyes, as if she was appreciating them.
My eyes looked up into her vertically long pupils and it sent shivers down my spine like. It was as if an unknown creature was running up and down my spinal-cord. 
Even making eye contact gave me a bad feeling, I looked away. 
“Wha- , are you, doing?”
Finally, the words were squeezed out of me. I couldn't look Sugamo straight in her eyes.
Sugamo was walking barefoot, without any overshoes*, and going "pat-pat" up the stairs. 
“I was changing because I was going to the pool.” 
“Oh, oh. I- I see. Next is P.E.”
By next I meant it was pretty much now. 



Beyond the window there were people playing in the pool.
“What about Tokage-kun? You didn’t go to the pool?"
I got called by my first name, and I became a little bewildered. Our relationship wasn’t all that good, and shes a girl. I reacted shyly, embarrassed.
“I was going to throw away the garbage... then well, a lot happened and I became late.” 
I couldn’t be honest about skipping classes, so I tried to deceive her. On top of our relationship not being good. I wondered why she was the only one left changing her clothes.
With her back facing the entrance, she then lifted up one of her legs, I was even able to see her crack.  Just thinking about it made my chest hurt. The pain was as if horns were about to grow from my forehead; I couldn’t calm down.
“Mhm. Tokage-kun can’t swim, so he was skipping so he wouldn’t need go into the pool.”
She said it like she saw through me. How did she know?
“What about you, Sugamo? Why... um, at this time, like... change clothes”
“Because it took me awhile to find them.”
“Huh? Find what?”
“Swimsuit”
Answering shortly, Sugamo went down the stairs. Unable to comprehend Sugamo’s word right away, I stood there, in a daze, eyes unfocused. A few seconds later, I finally realized. 
Looking closely, there were stains on Sugamo’s swimsuit here and there. Dirt stains. 
“Wait, are you being bullied?”
“It's because I’m rich” 
Her reply was easy, but I felt like it was off target. However, I knew the rumor that Sugamo was wealthy, and if someone were to be bully her, I knew it would be the girls. After all, Sugamo was beautiful. She wasn’t quiet cute; she was beautiful. That’s why she was hated by the other girls. 
“Umm, you, are you okay?”
“Yup”
Sugamo was going down the stairs, even though I haven’t even stepped on a stair yet. I looked back and forth between the receding back and butt, my face reddened. For some reason, I had the urge to jump up and down.




“I don't think about being bullied.”
“What the heck do you mean?”
Sugamo’s excuses were cold and frank, but, is it right to not sit still after hearing about bullying?
It wasn’t even due to a sense of justice. 
My eyes were still giving off an annoying feeling.
“Hey, Sugamo”
“What?”
“Back there, well, a lot happened.”
“There wasn’t a lot”
“No not that. So, well.”
Sugamo had gone all the way down the stairs. I was looking down at her back, my head still hot, and I asked,
“Should I help you out?”
I didn't know if I had that kind of power, however.

“I don’t need it”
It was an immediate reply. 
She looked back, and shook her head lightly. 
Matching those movements, her hair shook. 
It was tobi-colored** hair.
My “current” eye color was the dyed the same.
Sugamo smiled unusually, and said to me,
“Eventually, I might take you up on that offer.”


*(or “uwabaki” or “uwagutsu”) **(name of a bird called black kite) Translator: Katsura Editor: Carlothan
Co-Editor: Editor-kun QC: Sarnik
Here are some untranslated pictures that are nice to look at (Buriki illustrations are great)






COMMENT IF YOU HAVE PROBLEMS OR CRITICISM.
I AM OPEN TO ALL ADVICE.










6 comments:

  1. Thank ye very much!

    ReplyDelete
  2. 1st Paragraph:
    "With each beat, it felt like my eyeballs were being craw"
    Is craw the right word here?

    4th Paragraph:
    "Looking closely, there were stains on Sugamo’s swimsuit here and there. Furthermore, they were dirt stains."
    I think it would sound better if the second sentence is reduced to aimply "Dirt stains."

    "However, I knew about the rumor that Sugamo was wealthy"
    I don't think "However" is needed here.

    "She wasn’t quiet cute, she was beautiful."
    Semicolon instead of comma?

    "I look back and forth between the receding back and butt, my face reddened."
    Add an "As" at the beginning?

    5th paragraph:
    Original: "Sugamo’s excuses were cold and frank. But, is it right to not sit still after hearing about bullying."
    New?: "Sugamo's excuses were cold and frank, but is it right to not sit still after hearing about bullying?"

    Old: "Sugamo went all the way down the stairs. I was looking down at her back, my head was still hot and I asked."
    New?: "Sugamo went all the way down the stairs while I was looking down at her back. My head was still hot when I asked [her].

    "It was tobi-colored(name of a bird called black kite) hair."
    Instead of adding a parenthetical comment, you could make a translator note at the bottom.

    There might be more, but this is all I have for now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your feedback, it will be implemented immediately. Would you like me to credit you as QC in credits?

      Delete
    2. Sure, I don't mind.

      Also, did something happen to the text? The background is all white for me.

      Delete
    3. should be fixed now, blogger is pretty shit.

      Delete
  3. You should probably find a series more suited to your skills, or spend a lot more time on your translation. A lot of the dialogue is stilted and broken compared to the original, lots of things are translated incorrectly (eg. there's only one teacher, Matsuda, and he's a balding old man, not a female), and some significantly big chunks of text are just plain skipped.

    ReplyDelete